A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
 
*cue Star Wars theme*

Finally, it's here[1] - the cloud service that absolutely nobody asked
for, nobody wanted, and nobody will ever need!
 
JFPatch-as-a-service is now available at https://jfpatch.riscos.online/.
 
Harnessing the awesome power of cloud computing to provide the astounding
ability to build ARM assembly in a format that hardly anyone but the
author ever used. In the cloud. Did I mention that it's cloud based?
Because that makes it cool. Marvel at the astounding ability to create
26bit RISC OS modules that no modern hardware can run. Be shocked by the
complete lack of speed of building.
 
[1] For a short period.

*cut to C-3PO and R2-D2 making their way across Tatooine's surface*
 
R2-D2: Bleep bloop bleep
 
C-3PO: What do you mean you've never heard of JFPatch? It was written last century by one of the greatest RISC OS programmers of the time, gerph, who also went by the name -
 
R2-D2: Bleep bloop bleep
 
C-3PO: - yes, that's right. It allowed him to create many software patches and utilities which he then shared for free with people over the Internet. A true hero of his time! Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse when -
 
R2-D2: Bleep bloop bleep
 
C-3PO: - yes, that's right. For many years nothing was heard from him, and much of his software was lost from the Internet. But now he's back, and he's brought JFPatch with him! How marvellous!
 
R2-D2: Bleep bloop bleep
 
C-3PO: Yes, I know that he hasn't said how long he's back for or what his future plans are, but in these hard times we need to be thankful for every good thing that comes our way.
 
R2-D2: Bleep bloop bleep
 
C-3PO: *stops walking* Wait, it's just a "trendy" closed-source cloud service which could vanish at any moment, and doesn't work when accessed using NetSurf? Well, f -
 
*hard cut to next scene*
 

As you know, over the past few years there's been a general downturn in the number of articles appearing on The Icon Bar. In response to pressure from our readers, we've come up with a radical new stimulus package designed to combat this issue. Starting today, the author of any new article posted on the site will be rewarded with a bounty, which they will receive within 10 working days of the article going live. For full details about the different bounties that can be awarded to each article, please see our sponsor's site. Don't delay; submit your article today! ^*
 
 

We celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first article on March 10th. Where were you? Come to think of it, where were we? Yeah, we forgot about it too (but we are getting on a bit).
 
In fact we even forgot to renew the domain and didn't notice until this morning when some spammers called NUTFACE tried to hijack the site. Normal service has now been resumed, so expect our next article shortly before Christmas.
 

Reader Mike sent in these pictures of something he found while out walking his ferret. Yes, we have readers with ferrets. Although the concept of a reader with a ferret confuses us, luckily we don't have to use our brains for this update because Mike was kind enough to send in some words to accompany the pictures.
 
Standard disclaimer: As most of you have probably noticed, this was our April Fool's piece for this year. If you liked our UK:Resistance theme used for the fool then you'll be glad to hear it's been added to the theme selector available from your account control panel. Of course in the end the joke was on us, because UK:R changed their website design from traditional red and black to their new colourful layout a couple of months ago. Oh well!
 
Click the owly pic above to see the article in its intended guise.
 
 

THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL AS WELL
Just in case you can't tell.
 
We just received this by courier from Stuart Tyrrell:

Ok, so we're not Roman, but when have we ever let a small detail like that get in the way of a good party? And, if we're talking of partying, who better to show us the way? Ave Caesar!
 
It's been exactly V years since we last marked Veneralia with a product launch so we thought that it was about time that we did it again.
 
Last time it was our unique UNIpod hopping onto the stage that caused the uproar and has proved incredibly popular ever since. This year we're hoping our vibrant Vpod will spring forth to a similarly vast audience.
 
UNIpod: the only podule you'll ever need
Vpod: the only other podule you'll ever need ;-)
 
It's early in the season and Vpod is still a little bud, full of potential and vitality, verging on blooming but not yet bearing fruit.
 
We expect them to ripen by the 25th of April and to have a bountiful crop in time to produce stunning displays at the Wakefield flower^H^H^H^H^H^HRISC OS show.
 
So come along and share our vivid Vpod vision!
 
Venus Verticordia, the guest of honour at our celebration, had this to say about the Vpod: "I love it already and so will you!"
 
Adjusting her myrtle wreath vainly, voluptuous Venus voiced, "Vpod is such a fantastic product, I'm glad you named it after me."
 
Sorry, no pictures are available yet. Our artist has run out of #ffcba4, he expects to be able to pick some more up on his way back from lunch.
 
He dithered about mixing #ffcda3 and #ffc9a5, but he likes his pictures perfect.
 
Notes for Romans
Wakefield is a new town on the road from EBVRACVM to DANVM, between LAGENTIVM and CAMVLODVNVM.
 
Wakefield show: Dies Saturni xii Aprilis MMIX
 
Vpod costs X denarii

 

Honestly, did you really think you could get rid of my marathon programming threads that easily? And myspace? Eewwww. Podcasts, on the other hand...

New features

But in all seriousness, our transformation into an Apple fanbois wet dream was due to our latest feature, the site themes feature thing, from which you can select from a selection of different themes with which to alter the site more to your liking. So far we've got the standard TIB and AcornArcade themes, as well as the Apple one, and a simple RISC OS one. More themes will be arriving as soon as we can get the sword away from Rich and chain him back down behind his keyboard.
 
There's also a new script we're playing with to allow RSS updates of forum posts. Either using a regular RSS reader, or setting up an RSS "account" in Thunderbird (etc.) pointing here:
https://risctalk.iconbar.com/forums/rss-rss20.php
...you'll be able to see when new messages have been written. It's like that list down the side of the main site, but even more divorced from the forum itself! You can change the rss20 bit to rss09, rss10 or atom03 for other flavours of feed.
 
Links:
Site themes feature thing
Forum RSS feed

 

Hello, and welcome to the new new look iConbar. Since we're all Mac users now (even Rich!), we thought it was about time that we ditched RISC OS properly and changed the focus of the site to cover all things Apple. No more will I be posting marathon threads in the Playpen about games that no-one is interested in and that I'll never complete, for I've found a new hobby of making podcasts, directing fan films on YouTube, and chatting on my myspace. And no, you're not invited. It's strictly Mac users only.
 
Go Apple. It's just so much better.

 

Now here's something you don't see every day: RISC OS on TV! Take a look at the screen capture linked on the right - what operating system do you see Edgar Stiles from 24 using? Perhaps he has an Iyonix hidden under his desk.
 
And what about this one with Jack Bauer? Why is he using the RISC OS Task Manager? Somebody get him chopper command!
 
Following a conversation on IRC, it turns out that a certain Mr Paul Vigay is (indirectly) responsible. As a UFO consultant for the movie Signs, PV took the opportunity to promote the benefits of his Risc PC to several TV tech bods in the US - in particular, one Steven Lloyd, now a digital compositor working on several Fox TV shows, including 24. RISC OS has been used in TV and film production in the past, thanks to Uniqueway/RISCOS Ltd's Paul Middleton (listen to Podcast V for more details), often when "realistic" computer displays are needed (ie. not Windows). As RISC OS is completely unknown in America, it's easy to pass off the standard RISC OS desktop as something hi-tech!
 
If you've spotted RISC OS in the media, please get in touch.
 
Update: Spoilers.